today started off really shitty but only got better and better :)
been having this problem with this friend of mine recently, and i think it's been going on for quite a while already just that we never really got down to talking about it. i did try to ask about it a few weeks ago but he just gave me some useless answer and left me hanging. since then it's been really weird and everyday i go home feeling confused about what our friendship status is like now. so anyway as of yesterday it got really bad and i could totally feel the tension when we were less than 3 meters apart. today was just as bad and i didn't even know why he was avoiding me and all. it's a long story but to cut this whole intro thing short i felt like he was avoiding me for a certain reason so i decided to let him be and avoid him too.
but anyway today i really couldn't take it anymore so i finally went to ask him about it and we had this really long and dreadful talk but i'm just glad it's over and we're fine now!!! :) it's a huge relief off my chest and it's like an entire month's sadness is finally going to be thrown away yay :)
anyway the reason for the problem is the same for most of my other friendship problems, where the friend feels like i don't care enough. i used to think it was just them being insecure and all but now i think it's my fault. maybe i do take people for granted. deep inside i always treasure my friends a lot and think about how much they mean to me and all, but what's the use of love if you don't show it? it's not about what i think inside, or what i tell them about how i feel inside, but about how i show it and what they feel. we are all humans and we need reassurance. i need that too, just that i get that from people telling me that they treasure me as a friend. but different people are different, and i guess other people have other love languages so they feel loved in different ways. and to be a good friend i shall have to find out their love languages so that i can love them in ways that make them feel loved.
but anyway, meanwhile, i'm thankful for all the people who got me through this period, in class and outside!! thankful for levia rose clinton kok fui nf // ilene enqi plum charlene ariel felicia bob jeremiah daryl, whether they knew about this problem or not. thankful to them for being there and (intentionally or unintentionally) making me feel better after so many bad days :) even when they are facing their own multitude of problems/exams/field camps and all. hope that next time i can be such a friend to them too! someone that can cheer them up after a bad day, intentionally and unintentionally.
and of course special thanks to God who pulled me through the day today. while walking to school i was just dreading the whole thought of long thursdays, and having to see people when God told me to trust Him that today would be better. wasn't really better in the morning/early afternoon but he just told me that 'it will get better' and for the whole day i clung onto that promise and it really did eventually so praise God!!! all his promises won't let go of me :)
and had a nice time with jerm after school today too finally got to see her even though it was such a short and impromptu meetup :) thankful she didn't give up on me despite me being such a terrible friend and not making her feel as loved and treasured as she should be feeling. spent some time slacking with other councillors like hannah matt ryan zhips hehe it was nice to see house d again!!
anyway today nainai got admitted to the hospital because of some lung infection thing. got a huge shock when i got home and heard about it. hit me quite hard and i felt guilty for not spending enough time at home with her. if something were to happen now i'd have millions of regrets so pray hard that she'll be fine!! can i appeal to anyone who happens to be reading this to pray for her please she's old and frail and i hope she gets past this thing real quick and comes home soon. visited her at the hospital and she seemed weak. kept asking us to go home because the hospital is germy. yes the hospital is germy and i hate that but i think time spent with her is def more important than staying away from noob germs. hope she felt happy and loved by our visit!!
so yup today was a good day! zero work was done though i intended to go home early and do work. but thank God i went to find jerm instead and stayed around in school because one thing led to another and i'm just really relieved and at peace with all that's happened today :)
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