the universe is at your feet

had a really good day today!!! 

firstly yesterday night and a few days before God spoke to me about cell and how we haven't been having proper cell in quite a while, and how that isn't doing anyone good because no one is growing. or more like no one is given the opportunity/platform to grow, and that's all because of me (and partially daryl). but today daryl and i decided to have cell in the classroom and we all focused and cell was so fruitful! so heartening to hear everyone share from their heart, and the fact that they actually had stuff to share about despite many of them being young christians/new to this cell or even church is something to be thankful for. i like how we are open with each other hehe here's to more good times where we have fun together and grow together :> 

today's service was good too!!! there weren't many people at the pre-cell 8am ch meeting today but the energy level was unexpectedly high! when i reached they were kind of talking and then we just started talking while doing the inserts that is something i haven't witnessed since like 2 years ago when the 1994 guys were still around. praise God for that! ch-ers were enthusiastic and showed initiative today hehe kudos to them for that i'm proud of them! service was good too initially i was quite sian of sermon time because for many weeks already i didn't really receive anything from sermon (my fault though) so i took my time in the toilet. then i replied kit's whatsapp and he told me to listen today because the sermon was good. and it was! ok not exactly the sermon but God's presence was here during service today and i felt it strongly. during altar call sis meips prayed for me and spoke right into my situation, about all the stuff i've been called to do but haven't been doing, about how i've lost sight of my purpose in this place i miraculously landed into. then benvoon prayed for me too i think and it was a long prayer and i really appreciate it :)))) 

then the cell went to celebrate ilene's birthday!! no cake or anything but we got her a bible hehe a pretty pink one with silver sides :))))) nice lunch at some jap pasta place hehe great food great company great times :> hope she had a happy morning with us hehehehehehe :> 

went home before going for chris tomlin and as usual i was late. this time there were consequences because if i didn't reach in time we'd get locked out. ran with ariel all the way from buona to star it was so tiring running up escalators in jeans but the time spent at new creation was really really worth it. 

anyway chris tomlin was really good!!! no regrets running from buona all the way up to the star. up millions of escalators and legs wanted to die. felt so restrained running in jeans. but it paid off in the end got seats quite close to the front on the ground floor! :)

anyway can i just say that pastor louie gigilio is such an anointed man of God. but anyway his message spoke right through my heart. it was actually just a very simple message about how great God is but it was so true after the whole message i was just in awe. i think this entire post will be an understatement of how amazed i felt looking at the screen and listening to the message. 

so, God created the universe. the universe consists of so many subsets there are so many cosmic fields before you even reach the milky way, and the solar system isn't even significant or slightly visible in a photo of the milky way. and then we are just some tiny pricks living on earth which is so insignificant compared to everything else in the universe. we are really very small and there's no reason why God would send Jesus to die for us when we are really just flowers quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow. 

some tens of years ago the voyager was sent out on a one-way mission to photograph its journey from the earth to the furthest from earth it could go and 12 years later it sent this photo back to NASA, showing the earth. the earth is really just that pale blue dot in the middle of a sunbeam.  that's how small we are. thought about it and realised i really don't deserve God's love. that's why it's called grace, isn't it. what astronomical grace he has for us to even think about us when we are so negligible. can you imagine if God were angry at us and decided to get rid of us we'll be gone at the flick of his finger. yet he made us in his own image, gave us position a little lower than the angels and care about all our problems not relevant to him at all. when i think about the universe and all the starts i look at my problems and they seem so trivial and non-existent. what are these kind of problems in comparison to the glory God is capable of creating? some say the universe is a habitat for humans. that's one purpose of the universe. but the more important reason for the universe to exist is a proclamation of the power of God. the universe is a very pretty place, all the stars glowing in space are so beautiful, and all that was created by God's breath. wow. 

i can't find a nice picture of the centre of the black hole of the milky way but guess what it looks like - a slanted cross! awesome how God places little reminders everywhere, including outer space, about him and his goodness :') 

ok this post is an extreme understatement of the awe and amazement i had for God at that moment and all the way till now sorry i don't know how to describe it properly and the sleepiness isn't helping. hahhaha experiencing the 'my thoughts are stars i cannot fathom into constellations' quote again. plus it's so apt in this context. hurhur

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anyway fun-o-rama was yesterday and i dumbly spent the whole day there. should have totally gone home to do work/rest/pack room/practice piano but no i stayed there for the whole of funorama. what an epic waste of time. but it was good to see old friends and catch up with them anyway!! finally saw tanhuishi after what felt like a million years. and saw kaiwen!!!!! hehe missed her i hope we can meet soon and relive the small p6 times. she's one friend i really haven't met for ages i think we only met twice in our entire secondary school life. but yesterday it wasn't awkward and we were both really glad to see each other yay :> anyway thanks jon for coming and saving me from my 3h loneliness :))))) anyway i wish raffles had a carnival too hahaha carnivals are really fun for the people organising. as a carnival go-er there's nothing much to do but if you're directly involved in it it can be really fun and it builds school spirit in my opinion. still a bit annoyed at the snfiesta skipping grey badge thing. grrr! 

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back to school tomorrow, sadly. not ready to hit the books again, this holiday was too short for my comfort. 

she takes me high

whew cts are over!! it's 1:13am now and i don't need to force myself to sleep because there's no paper tomorrow! yay! 

actually, even though it's over it's not really over because all it means is that we're one step closer to ct2s, one step closer to prelims, one step closer to As. it's all happening really quickly time passes so quickly there's no time to waste. was lying on my bed before going down for breakfast today. was too lazy to get off so i told myself 'it's okay five more minutes'. then i realised all the 'five more minutes' i've been wasting my entire life. procrastination kills, it's really a lot of precious time wasted. i think i'm starting to understand what my parents mean when they say that time is more important than money at this stage of my life. right now i don't have to worry about money because my parents will provide for me so i should spend my time wisely doing useful things while i still can. like studying hard to give myself a good future and earn money to support my parents. 

anyway today after cts instead of going out i went to jiaying's house to bake cupcakes for tessa and eli's birthday!! it was good to see both of them again i realised we haven't met in a long time. as in just the 3 of us.  but things haven't really changed and i'm glad they didn't! ok actually they did but now everything is kind of back to normal and we are all comfortable around each other again. missed jiaying a lot i haven't spent much time with her since snchoir ended so i'm really really glad for today! oh and i finally ate my bandito pocket HAHA after craving it for a million years. 

anyway yesterday i came home early and tried to study physics but no it was so unproductive and i only started work proper at 5? got very distracted so at around 715 i decided i couldn't take it anymore and went for a run. decided that since i wasn't doing anything productive i might as well do something useful so yep finally got my fat and lazy ass out of the house to get some exercise! and i am so glad i did. was intending to run 3k and feel happy about it but after 3k i just felt like going on so i ran one more round around my estate! so yup i am a proud finisher of 4k yay :>>> it may not seem a lot but to me it is considering how i always stop at 2+ or 3k because it's boring or i just don't have the determination to complete longer distances. anyway exercising really releases endorphins!! always feel good when i get good exercise hehe and somehow running gives me a sense of accomplishment it's like pushing physical boundaries and conquering things you never thought you could. esp for an unfit and sedentary blob like me who hasn't been properly exercising for years. think i am going to exercise more from now on! it's good therapy hehe. oh one wish for my estate is that it would become more windy. some spots i run past are frustratingly hot and stale and i hate sweating so that is so bad. anyway i am also glad that i finally moved out of my treadmill comfort zone HAHA i don't think i'll ever run more than 2.4 on treadmill since it's so boring!!! you don't see anything change at all and all you can look at is the demoralising red dot which takes forever to move from one circle to the other. grrrrr. at least when you run outside you can see different things and look out for cats to avoid and all. makes the whole experience more interesting. hurhur. 

shall sleep now but i'm actually not sleepy. just don't wanna wake up too late tomorrow but still get lots of sleep before intense term2 curriculum starts. bye! 

caught me off guard

hehe quick post i'm surprised i even have the time to post so yup quick one :> 

today started off really bad with a tough chem paper and a long long lunch, followed by an afternoon nap which means 5 hours wasted. woke up only around 4. but then the brother came home so we made sparkling ribena and toasted pizza so we had tea :> been a while since i had tea at home and home food is good! went around the house taking photos of pretty corners in the house like the garden that we never have time to appreciate. i think i should come home earlier from now on. 

anyway at around 5 i finally started work and it was so so bad. took >2h to do less than one practice paper, and i referred to the answers for almost every question felt like a total noob. maybe worse than a noob. i felt like i was really going to fail because my basics weren't even there and everything i learnt and clarified last year i forgot so there was a lot of relearning to do. 

but anyway nainai came home for dinner but went back to um's house to stay for about one more week. a bit regretful that i didn't spend any time with her, since i was just using my phone to ask for math help throughout dinner. kk besides the point. anyway, while i was bathing, yet again, i was thinking about how bad the day went and how i am really going to fail when i heard God ask me if i believed that he can turn things around. ok these weren't the exact words but it was something along those lines. so yup i just trusted God as usual and he multiplied my time!! managed to finish reading through DE maclaurins and graphing within 1.5 hours and i even have time to blog now HAHA. i wouldn't say i am very sure of those topics now but it's better than before. but anyway whatever comes out tomorrow and however i do i still thank God :) 

anyway i feel like some people are so misunderstood idk why people think of them so badly when they can actually be really nice people. today, i was having a lot of problems with math and as usual asked on twitter and the usual people replied. really grateful to everyone!!! i am so touched by this kind community that cares enough and bothers to help me. i think it's good revision for them too but anyway i doubt the relevant people will see this but thank you :) but anyway back to the point this person who i never expected to talk to apart from work-related issues replied my tweet and later whatsapped me to offer tips and help!!! i was quite shocked because the background of this person doesn't exactly scream math pro and according to the usual stereotype he should be having problems with math. and he's actually really nice!!! idk why everyone hates him so bad. i guess everyone has their bad side and it's a matter of how prominent your bad side is and how many people you show it too. but everyone has their nice side so thanks to the people who showed me their nice side!!! anyway the world will be a better place if we all helped each other bring out our nice sides. hehe. 

ok bye

a (not-so) holiday week

this week was quite boring, it can be summed up in 2 things : studying and eating. HAHA what a fattening week, so sedentary and stoney. a whole lot of getting distracted was done too. HAHA. but anyway yesterday was slightly different because i finally dragged my fat ass off the bed and went for a jog!!!! only ran 2.4 because i got lazy again omg need to have more determination so that i feel good after exercise. >:( 

anyway today was slightly more eventful, with the pae test thing. honestly despite how much i complained about the pae test thing being a waste of time and useless i think it was actually quite interesting!!! looking on the bright side hehe. i mean like how often do you get to do a test that doesn't really test you on the usual iq thing but rather stuff like critical thinking and all. was a nice break to studying hehe. i quite like this kind of logic stuff why can't we have an a level exam called logic

then studied at thomson bux with ariel and charlene!!!! i realised every exam i take i'll go to thomson bux at least once. hehe during Os with huishi and wayne / during CTs with ilene huishi enqi / during promos myself/with ilene and jerm/with charles pop bim hehe every time with different people. reminds me of the different season of my life. but anyway it is really a conducive place to mug other than the pricey drinks that melt really quickly since there's no aircon, and the occasional second hand smoke overload when i don't get my favourite seat. anyway i brought all the useless stuff so all i could do was memorise chem conditions, and it was quite productive i mean at least i got something done yay!

anyway dragged bim to bugis after to buy my cheapo wallet to last me until i find a wallet i really like!! this wallet is really cheapo HAHAHA but i think it looks okay so i guess i'll use it for now! :) 

anyway i'm trying to love studying! there are days when i really feel like studying because i suddenly want to learn and understand how things work and all. used to feel like that for bio especially because i wanted to know how my body works. but anyway, hope this mood carries with me through the year!!! totally need this motivation and interest. 

amazed at the glory of You

today in the shower i was thinking about my usual shower thought sessions, and i thought about how nice it would be if those thoughts about life could be merged with godly thoughts, so that i get the wisest conclusions. realised how detached i am from God nowadays, it's like He's not as integrated into my life as before. life and God feel a bit more separate now. there are (often) days when he doesn't come into my mind at all until at night when i finally pray and open my bible. yuck that isn't supposed to be the case. then anyway i was on tumblr ytd night and saw this : 

“People have asked me how it is I stay close to God. Truth is, just like everyone else, there are days when I feel distant from Him. But that’s the beauty of God. He isn’t going anywhere regardless of how I may feel.”

then yup! i realised that no matter how far away i feel from God he's always there! that's the beauty of the Lord. he's always there, always everywhere. and he never gives up on me no matter how many times i let go of him or push him away. or even tell him that i am choosing other things over him. i think my closer christian friends who've known me long enough can tell the difference between me now and me in the past with regards to this kind of things. but at least from a few days ago i decided to be serious about doing my tawg again and yes i think it's paying off! recently discovered many new verses i've never read in the bible before. used to think that being a christian for 17 years and being taught about the bible ever since i became literate meant that i knew all i need to know. but no way man, there are so many things hidden in there waiting to be discovered. we need to be more humble when reading God's word because we can never know enough, there are always new things to learn from the same passages. new perspectives, new interpretations. the bible can be really interesting sometimes, if only we have the desire to find out more.

(ok sorry about how incoherent this post is) 

great weekend

hehe wasn't intending to do a post but since i'm on the com i thought i might as well :> 

didn't go to school on friday because i was really really tired. but anyway, not like i could help it since i accidentally set my alarm at 730pm instead of am so i wouldn't have woken up anyway. had a great rest (finally) and tried to do superposition in the morning but failed miserably. 0/6 for the first 6 questions of the booklet i got so demoralised i just stopped. 

went to habitat for lunch with enqi!!! finally satisfied my eggs ben craving yay :> had tauhuey with pearls for dessert hehehe thankful for a short catch up with gay goh!!! sorry for ditching u during math lecture though. hurhur. 

chorale camp from fri-sat!! was kinda dreading it at first because as usual lazy but i had so so so much fun!!! thanks to group 5 hehe we may have been small but we were definitely powerful thank you yanru daryl bang andrew ian anthea and jingxi for the wonderful times :) playing back in time and other lame games, taking selfies in the pitch dark lt, taking a million years to position ourselves to ensure that the best instaxes are taken and hogging the dslr. can't believe we won almost every single game we played (except the bangbang) hehe we are really pro!!!! thanks for surprising me with the teamwork and optimism we had despite being 2/3 the size of everyone else :) thankful for my batch too!! really love my batch more after camp hehe i think the increase in love was of a greater degree for me than some others because i wasn't really close to most of them before. but really got to know a lot of them better this camp and they proved me right that they are really really nice people :) hope none of them see this because it is so awkward but if they do then thank you :) didn't get to say a lot of things during the intense sharing session because i forgot almost everything when it got to my turn. think i was too shocked from the toilet break HAHA. but nyway, thank you so much for this past year. i know i wasn't the best singer especially with the culture shock in a new choir that operates so so so differently from what i had been used to. thank you for being so welcoming. i'll always remember how the whole batch surrounded me in a circle when i first joined and introduced themselves to me while i just awkwarded there trying to remember all the names and match them to faces. i love how in chorale we are really a family and family means no one gets left behind. everyone always looks out for one another, regardless of section/gender/whatever. this is probably one of the most accepting and welcoming communities i've ever been in. nowhere else have i seen such inclusiveness and support so i am really really thankful and privileged to be part of such a group of friends. i like how we share a common goal and all work towards it. the effort i see being put in pushes me to continue working hard because like sinyee said everyone deserves each other's effort. yes i did think of quitting when things got really busy during syf period but i'm so grateful i stayed on. they say when people sing together, their hearts beat as one. and it's so heartwarming to sing together, hear the blending of voices and know that you're all doing this together. sigh gonna miss singing like this so much when we step down. a couple more weeks to concert and that's the last time i'm gonna sing with a choir on stage. as much as i loathe practices at times i think i am really going to miss it when it ends. 

sigh why do i always only begin to cherish things when they are about to end??? i guess we really won't know how much something means to us until we lose (or are about to lose) it.

had war dinner with joshua shihui shiqing edgar nich ytd and it was quite funny though annoying HAHAH they are really fun people to be with anyway :) glad our friendships didn't end when orientation ended! thankful for people who put in effort to continue meeting :> hahaha i think it's very wasted when relationships end with the event that brought them together. it's like such situational friendship HAHA ilene and i had a conversation about this before. makes me wonder who are my situational friends. but situational friends are so wasted because they could have been so much more!!!! then again if we were to keep into contact with everyone we'll die i definitely have no energy to keep close to every single person i know. haiyo.

looking for new wallets now ahhh idk where to get them from!!! kinda want the accessorise ones because of the floral insides but not gonna get a chance to go out to town anytime soon with cts looming over. guess i'll have to use my smallie pouch for now. but it's so inconvenient because the coins keep getting lost inside and i end up accumulating a lot of 10cent coins because i don't use them because i don't know they're there. oh well!!