awakening

spent my time in the shower today thinking again and i think i just got one of the biggest wake up calls ever. 

i realised i've been getting my priorities all wrong. my entire jc life is a lie. it's the last time you'd get to have fun, they told us. go all out and join as many things as you can, they told us. okay, that's true. but what they didn't tell us is not everyone is as intelligent as others seems to be. you can't classify all raffles students under "smart and overachieving" because no way man we are so diverse how can you generalise 1276 students?! some of us are just not cut out for such happening lives and still manage our studies well. 

seeing the seniors get their As results was so eye opening. As are the last major exam you'll take in your life, so it really matters. so many extremes i witnessed yesterday, from the straight As to people who can't even make it to a local uni. got me thinking and wondering where i'd be next year. am i going to be one of those with (unexpectedly) good results or am i just gonna hide in a corner and cry? i don't know, but what i know is that what i do now can change my future. 

so after a million years i've finally come to understand the importance of studying and the diminishing importance of having a social life. it's important to have friends, but there's a time and season for everything. this year is the season to study, it's the year which has a very lasting impact on my next 70-80 years of life. 20 years down the road you're going to be working somewhere you don't want to work at and think back at your jc days, happily remembering your booming social life. not. no one's gonna care about how you compromise on your study time to meet friends. no shit man you're just gonna think of how you could have better spent your time on things that are more lasting, like studying. you're gonna regret it when you don't do well enough to get a job and lead a comfortable life. or at least i will. 

henceforth i shall be a good steward of the opportunity God has given me to study in a top school, with resources and facilities all available. been doing a lot of non-acad related stuff in school and i guess now it's time to settle down and start working on acads. i wouldn't say my acads are terrible now, i guess for subjects like pcm i am floating on life buoy notes but once you take the notes away i'll just drown. for econs i'm not sure because of the ponning streak which i shall not continue from now on. but for gp it's a total gonecase as of now but i am quite determined to change that. but that said, i'm not doing well. people always say that we are from rj so we will end up doing well, but no that is so untrue. the standard of our papers aren't even that high, and one problem lies with the way they teach us. i think the rj way of teaching is specially tailored for smart people who understand things quickly. and more often than not they complicate simple formulas into big bombastic theories that we don't even need to know. guess i just need to find my own style and adapt from there. 

this post is an understatement of the sense of revelation i got when i first got it because it's being typed out 4 hours after it came and the effect kind of died down a bit but good news : i prioritised and did my tawg and 3 probability questions before this - the first bit of work i've done this week. gotta buck up man.

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anyway, it was heartwarming to see the seniors all back in school again, for the very last time. though they were all in home clothes, they looked happy and the school felt like itself again. feels good to have seniors, it makes me feel younger and distracts me from the fact that we are all growing up too quickly and that once we graduate that's the end of our singapore system education. 

ok no la i miss them too the school is so different without them around. from people i'm close to to random people i just recognise but don't even acknowledge, i miss them!! they bring a different feel to school altogether and i really really really regret not getting to know some of them better. now i'll never see them again :(