med internship

it's been a week into internship and time has really flown by!!!! feels like i just started yet it feels like i've seen and done so many things already. i'm really glad i decided to take on the internship because i rly get to see lots of stuff!!! we were thrown into an OT first thing on the first day and i saw a cut open knee. i also saw a cut open elbow right in front of me. and watching a total knee replacement surgery on the third day, omg. minting and i were wondering what in the world tkr was so we googled and "total knee replacement" came out and we were just like whuuuuut. scared. HAHA. we are def more numb to ops now, esp after op wednesday. also minting left early on wed so i was left alone with prof and we went to see some ops and i got to wear the x ray coat!!! HAHAHA. random thing checked off bucket list. then prof even made me take a photo of a hole they cut so that they could get a pic of the nerve, since i was the only one non sterile. HAHA. 

also, i really like clinics!! maybe not so much now because i'm getting bored of it but on tue it was really interesting. i think its cool how doctors can judge and diagnose the patient just by looking, feeling and listening to their stories. it's so cool and that seems like something i wouldn't mind doing!!! i really mind doing surgery though. HAHA. 

so yup, after 5 days of interning with a prof i am slightly more inclined to med than i was before, mainly because it's interesting AND meaningful. most other jobs only have one of each, but being a doctor is such a great privilege and you really get to see a lot of things others are unaware of. like today, we saw this oman girl who flew all the way to singapore to fix her legs. she has uneven thighs and shins, so basically one knee is higher than the other. and one of her legs looks a bit funny too idk what the problem is and i cant rmb the term for it, but it must be v serious that they flew all the way here and even had a translator to help communicate with prof. her case is gonna be brought up during the post grad course when some famous profs are coming down. it's really cool how profs like to email other profs from all over the world to seek their opinions on how to solve unique/difficult problems!!! 

also my impression of private vs public hospitals has changed too. right now, if i were to be operated on i think i rather go to a public hospital because it's rly impt to have a team of surgeons instead of only one because this whole medicine thing is based on judgement and my surgeon could have judged wrongly and no one will know. also, private surgeons earn way too much HAHAHAHA. if i ever become such a person i think i'll work at a public hospital too, because like what soumya(a medical fellow from india - a fellow is sort of an exchange student) said, in private clinics you don't get to see the people who need the help most. which is rather true because the prices are soooo high!!! ytd i even saw a guy who couldn't afford to pay for a leg brace and had to request for a cheaper alternative instead although nuh is so highly subsidised already. :( 

but then again, it takes an extremely long time to get to the stage i wanna get to if i were to become a doctor, and idk if that is worth all the sacrifice. the truth is sad, doctors really don't have work life balance, or at least not till you reach prof's stage. i want a normal life too, i want a family, i want to serve in church!! and honestly i think med is going to take quite a lot of my time away. as of now i already feel like i don't have any time for myself or for anything else other than work. and idk if i'm willing to live like this and worse for 13+++ years of my life?? :( 

but then again, it all depends on my results HAHA i guess med is a nice profession but it def isn't as glamorous as everyone makes it out to be. you'll understand when you see how doctors in the hospital function. they are literally running from place to place. oh gosh. 

in any case, it's been a really fun and fulfilling week!!! grew quite a lot closer to minting too because i see her like all day everyday HAHA. also met some friends for dinner this week and yay good times ^__^

cny

was typing a long post about social media when i realised that blogger is a form of social media too. what i type here kinda contributes to the social media profile i inevitably create for myself. social media is so toxic. i wonder if our cell will really do the 1 week fast thing. but if it materialises i guess i'll be pretty excited HAHA. don't know how long i'll last though

Vday

Vday is so commercialised, it's just another occasion for shops to make more money. Was trying to buy flowers and balloons for Ariel today and all the prices were sky high cos of vday. Zzzzz. 

Was talking to someone the other day and asked him why he didn't have any plans with his wife for vday and he replied "we don't celebrate love, we celebrate each other". I was like wow mature but makes sense. 

Anyway I still feel that love should be romanticised, just for the fun of it. It shouldn't be an obligation but a pleasant surprise!! Ok sorry random thoughts bye 

great weekend

pretty much sums up my weekend. it was fantastic i had lots of fun including buying the $2 floral tank which i wore the next day HAHAHA. i really need cny clothes now. can't wait to go shopping with mum later HAHA. also can't wait to start work i desperately need money. speaking of which i collected my first ever paycheck yesterday but it was so measly LOL. need a better paying job and longer hours so that i don't spend so much during my free time. but other than that, it was a great time of catching up with people i haven't seen in a while and greater time spent with people i love!! really miss the army dudes though, life is quite different without them :( 

also been doing a bit of bible study lately and reading up on apologetics but i can't really find the answers i want online. oh well. will continue to search!!!!!!! 

and random fact i created a vsco grid ytd hehehehe. here's to more nice photos ^^ i'm audreythj!!

-

Stop finding confidence in position or role, or age or stature. Find your confidence in who you are!!!!!! 

Thankful

Thankful to have the opportunity to meet and speak to such inspirational people!! Timely positioning to allow them to point me back to God :) really enjoyed today's dinner, though I didn't wanna go at first. Glad I went!!!!! I was really blessed by the company thank you two for patiently explaining all those theological things to the curious me. I'm genuinely inspired to know my faith better!!!!!! Had a lot of fun too hehe super fun card games!!!! It was a great night :) 

Awakening

Had a very sudden awakening last night I don't know how but I just snapped out of my trance while brushing teeth and I see things better now. My mind is no longer clouded and I'm thinking straight and looking ahead. Thank God, I've been in this crap for too long. 

:(

Sometimes I wonder if I let go of too many people during the As period there are so many people I want to catch up with but are too busy/enlisting/awkward. Sigh, should have balanced these things better!!!!! 

Sad the enlistment wave starts tmr gonna miss being able to talk to people at any time of the day 

free week

been spending the past few days just catching up with friends and spending time with people i love before they enlist! had the luxury of doing so because i just quit my job a few days ago plus my boss didn't arrange any shifts for me this week!! i really really hope i'll continue to be close to my ns friends after they enlist and that nothing much will change :( otherwise i'll be really really sad :( 

anyway today during service i realised how much influence youth leaders have over their youth or just random youths watching. i had lunch with a few girls last week and saw one of them at service today. then i realised she was emulating what i was doing??? was a bit creeped out at first but i guess she just feels like we are friends now and is just trying to be friendly or something. i remembered how i used to look at my leaders with awe and reverence HAHA and i guess it's the same for them!! and if they rly do feel the same way towards me as i did for my leaders then the spectrum of influence is really huge. and that made me want to live my life better to set a good examples for them!!! whatever i do now people will be watching so i need to be careful not to stumble anyone.