pointless

the truth is there is no point wishing we could be young again because we will never be. sometimes we get so frustrated with life thinking about how simple life used to be. but the past isn't gonna repeat itself!!! i am older now and i can only embrace that, move on and make the most out of my current life rather than keep thinking about the seemingly happier past and be dissatisfied with what it is now. 

we choose whether we want to be happy!! all emotional pain lasts for a maximum of twelve minutes, everything else is self-inflicted. 

packed life

today was a really good day!!!!!!!!! firstly, i bumped into benjamin kheng which i was really happy about. was just walking when i spotted him in the crowd!!! was thinking if i should ask for a photo but i didn't wanna regret it so yolo HAHAHA we crossed the road and asked him for a photo while waiting for the light to turn green hehehehe and he seems quite nice and is so amazingly good looking. and he sings so well. flails. but yeah this was like the major highlight of my day AHAHAHAHA i hope i bump into him again :-)

but anyway met charlene and matthew and alex philip LOL and we ate the $1 walls ice cream which is now $1.20 then went off to meet crystal and denise at hv!!! happy to see my smallie friends again i have missed them so!!!!!! had dgood and sunday folks and caught up hehehehehe. 

it's only been like 4 days since the end of As but it really feels like it's been forever i am so used to this lifestyle. did so many things in just 4 days i can't wait for the future!!

also i think i am beginning to cherish alone time more. idk if i've said this before but i'm starting to see the beauty of personal time!!!!! if you asked me this a few months ago i'd be utterly bored and restless being home alone not talking to anyone but now i think i'm fine with it and i may actually be happy having some of it. HAHA. i really think i'm getting more introverted. idk why :O but i think it could be a good thing for me HAHA save me some money and i'll be able to do many more 'productive' things.

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homaigod i actually typed this yesterday but i think i accidentally closed the entire window while waiting for photos to load or something. thank goodness blogger auto saves drafts so i just had to re upload the photos but the post was still there. phew. anyway happy day again today!! got shoes for prom though i was utterly disappointed that there wasn't the shoe i wanted :( compromised on two areas HAHA but oh well. also we threaded our eyebrows!!! hahahahah it was super painful but quite fun :> consumed a lot of sweet stuff today also i better go run tmr or else i'll really become some blob 

post As

       

i think i'm getting used to the post As life already it feels worse than post Os though, got two really really packed weeks before i fly off for italy. draining but fulfilling. though i wish i had a little more time for myself to just rest and slack around at home watching covers and all. squeezing every single thing possible into these 12 days. stress is definitely not over since piano exam is coming in like less than a week LOL i really need to pass this time. then prom then worship concert then bam bye bye. hope i get to catch up with all the people i haven't seen for so long and not lose contact with those i've been spending time with every other day in this intense period. 

had a good immediate after As time with the class rushing for swensens' happy hour deals which ended at 5pm and we reached the place at like 456 LOL. we are so kiasu lolololol. and pool which i was extremely noob at but i'm just glad we got to spend time together as a class before it becomes really hard for all of us to meet again. good day out with enqi eating shiok maki (where we bumped into jon kok and clinton HAHA) and getting caught in the stupid rain. watched mockingjay too!!! then surprised clinton with abel ben and matthew HAHA it was quite fun. met triangles today and got caught in the rain AGAIN. lesson learnt from today and ytd is bring an umbrella wherever you go!!!!!! keeping dry > not looking auntie. also saw the world in town from mon-today. 

boring day tmr because i have to practise piano but i really really need to pass this time. eeeeeeep. 

Seriously do we really need to create problems like these now zzzzzzzzz yes we are soon going to have a lot of time but it doesn't need to be filled with such drama 

Interstellar

What is the point of striving so hard? Ultimately we all return to dust and all these treasures we store up on earth are going to be useless. Life on earth is so temporary in a blink of an eye it will all be over. 

Was reading eccelesiastes and it is frustrating to read for so long and see him conclude that 'everything is meaningless' like wow what a morale booster life is awesome. But there's some truth in that so I guess it's important to enjoy what we do now and be content with our lot. Not that we don't aim for better but I think it's just important we don't get caught up in this endless chase but take time to appreciate the little things around us and spend time with our loved ones. 

Watched interstellar today and amidst all the confusing yet mind-blowing concepts one thing I took away is that we really need to cherish time spent with our families. I'll be super sad if I were murph like not having parents with me from such a young age?? And like time is so precious in the show time on other planets cost them years on earth. In reality it's not like that but i guess when we are out doing our own stuff time does fly by too. I think it's been about 4-5 years already since I started going out regularly and spending less time at home. Need to spend more time with family before parents grow old and grandmothers grow really really old. 

But I guess it was a good day! Can't believe we are nearing the end already it feels like we just started not long ago but now we're done with all our written papers. Rather excited for post As but it's gonna be another mad rush for time with so many things happening and only about a week before I fly off. I actually think I'll miss this stage where we can drop everything else and just focus on one thing. Got some time to myself too and it's quite nice, HAHA. Maybe I should always set aside some alone time from now on. 

K bye cannot get too distracted because there are still 2 20%s to get. all the wayyyyyyy

thoughts

this is a strange, strange feeling but as of late i've been having thoughts about studying abroad - something i wouldn't have even considered a few months ago but now it really doesn't seem like a bad idea. been reading some blogs and hearing from people about life overseas and it really seems like a experience i want!! there's the homesickness but the idea of going out into a foreign land, seeing and exploring is slowly beginning to appeal to me. i want to have the feeling of staying somewhere else for an extended period of time, to understand another culture and their way of life. 

of course, it's kind of too late now to do anything and more importantly i need to stop doing useless things and start studying

phew

today was a better day!!!!!! i'm glad math is over but that just means we are closer to the sciences which i have neglected for really long. 

anyway, yesterday made me realise that we really don't understand the importance of things, or how much we really want things, until we are on the brink of losing them. i always thought As were eventually gonna turn out fine no matter what maybe because of how nicely Os turned out. but no, and i finally understood that after yesterday's paper when not getting what i want was such a near reality. i really almost died. but things like that aren't always bad, they spur you on to do better and give you more determination to do things like you've never done before. i had the most drive yesterday i've had ever since promos and i honestly am quite proud of myself for working so hard even though it was just an evening/night. HAHA. i wonder what it feels like to feel like that everyday. to be so motivated by something you just keep working for it. :O

sadly the motivation has kind of worn off aiyo i think i burn out too easily. i even have time to upload a picture for this post LOL. k no tomorrow will be a focused day!!! econs and physics are nearing. time is running out!!!!!!!!!!!!1!

crappy math paper

had a terrible math paper today. felt so bad after coming out not to the point that i would cry but the feeling was about there or worse. worst time to screw up. i hate how i always peak during exams but this time it doesn't seem to be the case, and only this time it matters. but oh well what's over is over, i think i'm kinda over the math paper now. gonna work really hard tonight, if i want to save myself i need to try the very very best i can. 

but thankful to everyone who showed me concern!!!! sorry for being a negative prick earlier today i just really needed to get all the negativity out before i could start again and regain motivation. :))))) had a nice lunch at ri canteen with class (all three of my fav dishes were there today yay) and productive studying at lib. think i finally understand argand diagrams and hypo testing. hope it all stays in my head. 

it can only get better from here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! press on peapole

0

we are here in less than 12 hours time i will be taking the first paper of my last national exam. feelings? a vast spectrum HAHA from i can't really be bothered to i think i'll be fine to i'm really really stressed. looked at prom dresses just now to relax a bit. right now i think what's most important is to keep calm so that i can think straight, think clearly. 

had a terrible nightmare yesterday about taking my gp paper and handing in a blank sheet of paper because i was so stressed i couldn't think of anything to write. it was also the first time i dreamt in colour which is why i thought it was real. normally in my dreams, i can sort of guess it is a dream towards the end because i'll realise that i don't see any colour. but this time it really felt very real and i felt so so screwed. they say when you dream about something chances are it doesn't come true. HAHA no chances i won't let it come true!!!!! 

1

Late night panic attacks as usual - a bullet of anxiety explodes within me every time the clock strikes 12 and I realise that "hey, we're a day closer". 

But each time this happens I am reminded of your power!! Nothing is too great for you, God of wonders beyond our galaxy. The stars shine brightest in the darkest of nights! I believe this trying period is going to be one where I will experience countless miracles and mercies. When this is all over I'll have gained quite a bit of academic knowledge (I hope so) but more importantly I hope to take away a valuable life experience, one that I can testify of Your greatness in my life :-)