last day of the year

had a great though short night with my friendies yesterday!!! it's been a while since all of us met up full strength :-) i'm always so happy to meet them!! they're such bundles of joy hehe. we are still as mean as ever oh my goodness. 

also my duties kind of start today HAHA it's so quick. but i guess it's good HAHA i am excited for the changes next year. this is the first time i'm looking forward to change oh my. really scared but i know it's gonna be good! 

last day of 2014 today it hasn't really hit me yet. haven't got time to reflect on the year but i think at a glance i'm really thankful for the Lord's grace that has seen me through. don't think i would have survived without the people who pushed me forward and were there for me when i was being emo about other people or having panic attacks during prelims and As. also this is the first year i actually freaked out about exams so thanks to everybirdie who calmed me down and supported me and helped me academically!!! thankful for random people i've met this year like zijian, war, hu r u guys and people from community who i really never expected to meet but are really nice friends to be with :-) also thankful for random opportunities to do stuff like going for my first ever band concert which happened to be we the kings one of my favourite bands. tried many new cafes, had many elaborate birthday celebrations, ran my first distance >5k (ahahh unfit me), CRASHED VJ, ordered my first item from taobao and many other random and weird things hehe. 

also, i really really hope there are iphones in stock at starhub today because i NEED to renew my contract by today as i won't be a student tomorrow :( 

decisions

so i just confirmed one of the hardest decisions of my life so far. not that it was actually difficult to make, the choice was clear and my heart already decided after lunch today but i was just too scared of confirming it and formally agreeing to it. the responsibility that comes with it is huge, and i don't know if i'm up for it. it's lives we are talking about here and in lower sec they go through their foundational growing up years. no place to screw up man haha. feeling extremely inadequate esp since the reply isn't coming in but i know God will see me through!! he doesn't call the equipped, he equips the called!! hanging on to this for the next 6 months and i really hope God will use me to impact these lives i am going to have influence over. and i feel so alone for now because i have no friends in this HAHA. but i guess it's when i step into the unknown that God will show his provision and that his grace will be sufficient for me! homaigosh as i type this i am getting so scared and uncertain about the future omg.

it has only been 2 days and it starts tomorrow i am not even mentally prepared halp

ucas

it's 30th dec and i still cannot decide if i want to apply to uk unis omg what is wrong with me. been trying to write my statement since yesterday night and i'm not done, and i feel like if i'm not gonna be able to do a good statement then there's no point applying. since lse apparently places HUGE emphasis on the statement and currently my content and language both suck. but then again it is kind of a backup plan so i have to do it anyway. oh gosh. God help me write a good statement efficiently please. and i hope kong doesn't rage when i tell her really late that i need a rec lol. hope she understands that this is a super last min thing and helps me write a good rec. ah sian should not have procrastinated i always suffer for my own choices grrrrrrrrrrrrrr. 

employed hehe

news of the day : 

I'M HIRED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

or at least i think so. hahahaha. they actually didn't tell me explicitly that i got the job but they told me to report for work on monday and they'd discuss working hours then. thank God for his provision!! i'm working at a bakery in novena and the pay is decent i guess so yay :) they are still hiring so if anyone sees this and wants to work pls tell me HAHA. i rly hope more young people come and work because the current workers aren't exactly people i'll become good friends with and the manager speaks chinese. it was such a struggle to communicate during the interview. there came a point when i was struggling to ask a question and didn't know how to express it so i just gave up and asked in english LOL. unproficient much. and no it's not some cheena neighbourhood bakery HAHA it's duke!! am actually quite excited to start work it seems fun ^__^

had a short meetup with some reds and jia and eli during lunch and it was nice and fun!!!! haven't seen them for so long so it was nice meeting them hehe i rly had a lot of fun :-) bumped into clinton and kok too HAHA. met denise to look for her job afterwards and bumped into crystal!!!!! happy day bumping into people hehe 

nice weekend

pretty eventful weekend HAHA. went for a lousy flea with ariel ytd i was so disappointed because we were actually looking forward to the flea for quite a while but there were so few stalls and all of them didn't have much clothes :-( plus my bangkok trip has been called off so, no cheap shopping for me :'( then we went to lucky plaza to look at the other flea which wasn't very good too but i bought a nice white top yay so we didn't go there for nothing. nua-ed at ion sky after that HAHA. the view wasn't v nice because it was raining heavily and the clouds were so heavy and grey. looked gloomy :( annual christmas dinner at shermaine's house and we spent most of the time playing bridge. i think i'm improving in my bridge skills!!!!!!!!!!!! 

#bffsuperga HAHA 

last sunday service today it felt a bit weird and sad but now not really because there may be a turn of events in the near future but idk yet HAHA. served for communion with daryl jolene briana and estelle and it was actually quite fun :-) also got dropped a bomb while serving it came as a total shock but ya good for thought

was supposed to meet zhijie after communion go for the council party thing but we got lazy and ended up having prata with daryl at prata house HAHA yay :-)))))

took photos at a random christmas tree along upper thomson!!!! shall not reveal where the trees are hohoho but they are somewhere totally unexpected HAHA. had a good time eating prata and talking about things like fake friends HAHA. glad that i can call them my real friends!! 

rly busy week ahead got people to meet and decisions to make. and a job to find HAHA. i turned the waffle shop job down because the pay was really really bad. oh well. may i find a good job soon!!!!!!!!!!!!

hpbd jesus

typed quite a lengthy post but deleted it. anyway the gist of it is that i should stop asking myself questions about decisions i am going to make and just make the decision. so much wishy washiness isn't helping anything and will not get me anywhere. 

anyway, blessed christmas!!! today the greatest gift God has given us is salvation, and the greatest gift we can give to God is our lives :-)

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really thankful to ariel tan and charlene tan these few days for relating with me/being there for me when i was sad or annoyed HAHA love u all ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ thanks for being here while the rest of the world is far away in other countries!! erratic moods recently zzz

also just had a rather long talk with kit or more of me listening to him talk and he gave me really good things to think about. maybe i'll save that for another day. but yes thanks kit, idk if you'll ever see this but don't worry i was following every single word of it and thinking about the things you said :-) respect you for a lot of things and i'm glad we're tight :>

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had the usual christmas dinner with the cousins wonderful food as usual and today we tried raclette cheese which was basically melted cheese LOL. i was amazed at how the cheese slid off the mini pans onto the plates so neatly. but it was rly good :> and today we tried to plan our bangkok trip!!!  rly dk if its gonna materialise but i hope it does, esp since parents and all are going to follow it's gonna be like the old pri sch days where we went for holidays as a big family :-) in this case it's always the more the merrier!!! also i got introduced to quizup medical and the human body and i am weirdly interested i've been playing and playing HAHA idk but i really like learning about the human body.....................

blessed christmas!!

yesterday, for the first time in a really long time, i slept at a normal timing!!!! 2am actually, but it's quite a big improvement from the past few days HAHA. was rly tired from buying card materials and the super impromptu meetup with kit and charles. sad because we tried to find 2 ulu cafes and walked really far just to find them but BOTH WERE CLOSED :( ended up eating some honeycreme-ish thing at honeycomb and it was okay i guess but not impressive. spent the whole day doing super few christmas cards today. sianz it's either quality or quantity, so this year i chose quality HAHA sorry everyone :( only did for people i know will do for me and very few others. anyway went for the light of christmas today and zhijie and huishyuan came!!!! hehehehe. nice to see them and hope they enjoyed it :-) honestly i was kinda confused at the presentation esp since it was like a whole mash of bible stories and stuff. i couldn't rly tell what some of the parts were referring to?? sometimes i feel like idk the bible well enough. hope i'll be able to do more in depth reading next year with the help of the application bible!!!!!!

and have i mentioned how annoyed i am with my nails LOL am never gonna buy beadstreet nail polish the colour is not true to bottle colour and it fades and now my nails are a hideous shade of pink and because i added the gradient glitter ends with slightly bigger glitter dots my nails look damn obiang now :-( and this is going to take ages to remove because of the glitter oh well!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

but anyway blessed christmas everyone!!! was reading exodus for the past few days ever since sunday's altar call and i've been getting a lot of new insights and learning quite a lot :-) never really paid attention to this story before though it is quite famous and at this rate i think in a few days time i'm going to know it really well!!!! yay i love it when bible verses or stories become familiar to me i feel like i am really treasuring and meditating on God's word!!! was reading about the passover and God's protection over his people and like saw the whole event from different parties perspectives hehe i like the application bible because it gives info that rly helps in understanding!!! everyone should consider getting one i think a good one will rly be of great help :-) 

anyway today i found out that llao llao puts oil into the white chocolate sauce?!?!?!?!??!?!! my gosh. never gonna order that again ew it sounds so gross

fart tartz

gosh this sleep cycle thing really sucks. i oversleep everyday because i sleep at weird timings. this is why i have time to blog everyday now LOL. like it's currently 2am and i just started on this post so i'm prob gonna sleep at 3 after doing all the usual admin stuff i need to do on the com. 

but anyway today was the first in a few days where i didn't take an afternoon nap!! went for lunch with jeremiah because he could DRIVE yay he picked me up from bishan and drove to expo for lunch!!! because i wanted to try fart tartz and like yay i finally tried it!! got the matcha mud tart while he got the tiramisu cake in a jar :-) it was not bad but not spectacular, glad i got to try it though! and it is actually very accessible we could have just taken the train and should have gone to a more inaccessible place today. but anyway fun time sitting in the car and catching up hehe.

in the car outside my house hehe :>

 it's been about a year since he enlisted and like our talking frequency is so much lower than last year but i'm glad we are still tight and important in each other's lives!! also thank you for treating me every time we meet now that you get paid and get even get bonus such that i don't have to spend a single cent when we meet :-) really didn't spend a thing today because $0 on transport and $0 on food!! totally helped because i am currently super poor and not receiving allowance because it's the holidays. thank you i am really blessed by you!!

watched um's drum performance at nlb just now and it was great!!! there were a lot of smallies about 6-8 years old playing the drums for full songs!! talented! and like they showed videos of each performer introducing themselves and a lot of them commit to practising everyday. thought back about me and piano and i was so undetermined and not passionate!!! think that's the problem with exams it kind of took away the interest part :(

nlb brought back a lot of A level feels HAHA miss those days. was clearing my room today and looked through my prelim papers before throwing them away and like i can't really remember much already. life feels pretty aimless without a short term goal, i'm spending my days away doing nothing and rotting and it sucks!! was thinking of giving voluntary tuition because bro sam asked and the more i think about it the better it sounds. was quite apprehensive at first but if the people really need help and can't afford tuition i guess i can just try and be of help no matter how little assistance i will be able to provide. plus it's secondary school stuff so i think it would be fine...? hehehe  

better than life

better than the riches of this world

better than the sound of my friend's voices

better than the biggest dreams of my heart

and that's just the start

better than getting what i say i need

better than living the life that i want to

better than the love anyone could give

your love is

you hold me now in your arms and never let me go

you O Lord made the sunshine and the moonlight and the night sky

you give me breath and all your love

i give my heart to you because i can't stop falling in love with you

i'll never stop falling in love with you 

don't really know what to say or how to say it, but God really amazes me sometimes. actually no, all the time, i just fail to see things sometimes.

2 weeks ago

ok that's it too lazy to edit the rest (some here aren't even edited). photos from 2 weeks ago, before i left and during the trip. 75% of the photos were taken on the first three days of the trip when we visited capri and pompeii because after that we didn't exactly do much sightseeing and just explored cities. also i got really lazy to take my phone out esp since fingers were freezing. sigh regret now. 

anyway i think i am still jetlagged i keep taking afternoon naps because i'm so tired. i think it's partially because i'm really bored. i really hate pockets of time now. last time i used to squeeze random meetups or like spend it productively memorising something but now there's nothing to study (maybe except btt) and all my spontaneous friends are either busy or overseas. actually so many people are overseas :( can't wait for them to come back :( 

also i really cannot wait to get a job!!!!!!!! seriously need $$ at the rate i'm spending. online shopping is terrible it's easy and addictive and the wastage is madly high. i can never buy jeans online because of my weird waist thigh calf proportions but i don't seem to learn from my lessons.

ANYWAY :https://carousell.co/audreythj if you see this and are interested in any of my clothes PLEASE BUY lol i am really desperate to get rid of things because of the bursting wardrobe. and i recently ordered a butternut herschel which i totally regret now i mean i don't need another bright backpack and i haven't paid so i'm gonna be poor again. mehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. 

k guess i should go sleep and try to start sleeping at more normal hours again. 4am nights are not good.

mknmchn

you've been a tremendous blessing to me ^__^ thanks for meeting me when i'm sad or bored :-) number one available friend award goes to u!!!!!!!!! 

Zzz

Zzzzz maybe I'll only always be the second option if u had the choice 

-

yesterday night was a rough night, found out stuff that hurt me a lot mainly because i was totally unaware and didn't expect people so close to me to feel this way and like behave like everything was normal. felt more scary than anything. but anyway, because of that i finally ran back to God and had a good good tawg. finally understand that i need to choose wisely the people i allow myself to be vulnerable to. and i think i'm done finding my security in people, feeling safe when i know there will be people there for me because God is always there for me!!! i don't know why i didn't have eyes to see that before - i mean i always knew but never understood nor embraced the fact. 

mentaiko

went job hunting today!! it was so much worse than expecting i didn't know it was so hard to find a job :( all the places that were initially hiring aren't hiring anymore and others don't get back to you even when they say they will :< sian. if all else fails i think i will really end up working at llaollao HAHA at least i get to eat the overpriced yogurt. :( 

but anyway, meals in between were awesome!!!!!!!!!!! HAHAHA. met goh for lunch at sushi bar but we spent so little time together like literally lunch only because she had to rush off and i could only come late :( but nvm yay sushi bar and good company. dinner with hannah ended up being dinner with hannah ryan sim and adriel the weirdest mix of people ever LOL what coincidence and spontaneity. but yay finally satisfied my mentaiko sushi craving YAYAYAYAY :)))))

anyway i think for once i'm actually jetlagged. bet it's cos i didn't sleep on the plane but watched movies instead :( sigh such is life i don't normally get jetlag :(

back in sunny sg

hee hi i'm finally back from my seemingly long trip. but it was only 10 days idk why it felt so long. maybe because we really didn't do much in the last few days, like getting up at 9 every morning and leaving the apartment at 11 and coming home by 7. guess it's like that in winter you can't really do much with the sun setting at 430. oh well. shall blog about the trip another time!!! but right now i'm really tired but not sleepy at all. i tried forcing myself to sleep on the plane and at home but the slightest of things keep waking me up so i decided sleeping isn't the thing for now. gonna head out to run some errands soon - mainly carousell meetups and parcels to mail HAHA. omg i really hope people buy my carousell stuff. my wardrobe is bursting big time : 

what you see is only the first row hahahah there's still another row behind. the more pressing problem is that the front piles are getting too high i can't reach those behind without toppling the ones in front over. and i need the stuff behind because all my jeans cardis and skirts are there. and the dresses aren't even here. this photo is deceiving it seems like i have a lot of clothes but actually the first three piles are mostly made up of school t shirts and fbts. consequences of grabbing every available shirt in the store and collecting other school shirts. oh well! and because of my fluctuating size i have jeans of different sizes LOL so at every point in time about half the jeans will be useless. #fwp 

gonna be so bored the next few days with so many of my close friends overseas :'(

Things that make me sad

Had lunch at a random Chinese restaurant just now and they got our order wrong just now so an old Italian man working here had to eat the wrong order up. It's like sweet and sour pork and he was eating it with bread. He looked so miserable and sad ermagerd :( people here all eat in silence but at least they are eating together. This guy was eating alone :(((((((( omg hate it when old people eat alone 

Hpbd :)))

Because insta is too public and the card was kinda short, here's another one for you :-) Happy birthday yjh!!! I'm not very good with words but thank you for being such an important part of my life. the past two years would have been totally different without you and I'm not even exaggerating HAHA. All that overlapping obligatory social circles and common friends HAHA I'm amazed how we know each other's friends (both of existence and personally) and how you unintentionally found your way into my friends :-) I really had a lot of good times with you, like getting lost every time we try to find a cafe and trying to take photos at every Christmas tree we saw HAHA thank you for tolerating all my weird quirks and dislikes for certain things eg dog and for posting extreme unglams of me on MY account it's annoying but it's still funny. As much as you annoy me you bring a lot of joy to me too :-) thanks for being my go to person most of the time and like being there and being interested in my boring life :-) I really didn't expect us to be close because like we don't really spend a lot of time together in class and all but I'm thankful we are!!!!! Despite that I think you're the person I spend the most time with from the class LOL. I'm sorry I can't pop up at your house to surprise you today :-( We may be miles apart from each other now but my spirit is with you!!!!!!! Enjoy your day please you young child HAHA. Smallie!! Thank you for existing!! 

Sorting out life lol

Holidays always end up as some life reflection time for me, esp during long travel journeys when I am not sleeping. So as usual I ended up thinking about life and what I wanna do with it for the next 6 months!!!!!!!! So : 

1. Keep fit. I rly wanna keep fit HAHA gonna start by running regularly for extended periods of time and do blogilates. Persevere and not stop after 1 day HAHA 

2. Work!!!!! I can't rly decide if I want to work in retail or f&b but all I know is I need $$ 

3. Sounds ridiculous but I wanna create a SOUNDCLOUD HAHA. And get a capo and learn the guitar properly :> 

Ok that's all for now I still have about 8 days to figure out the rest of my life lulz! 

new thing on bucket list : learn how to knit HAHA

prom

             

prom is over the last official school event is over and the next time we are gonna see everyone is like on results day. as much as i always say i dislike school and all deep inside there is a part of me that is going to miss it. it's the last time we are going to mingle in such a school setting and like it's kinda sad. 

whole night yesterday was spent taking photos, and sadly i didn't get to take with everyone i wanted to. but now that i think about it it doesn't really matter because our two years really cannot be captured by just a few photos. i was so scared of looking hideous because i am a total noob at makeup and i hate dressing up for formal events haha. honestly prom wasn't great or anything basically it was just 3 hours of photo taking. and i was so hungry i only ate one dish sigh :< paid $95 for hotel dinner but ended up eating macs lololololol.

surprised jon for a super early birthday celebration with house d this evening and it was quite fun and funny hahaha except the part where bailey was running around and i had to hide behind the sofa and in the kitchen. other than that i guess it was a successful surprise so YAY :-)

so tired i really hate sleepovers sometimes hahahha. should stop screwing up my sleep cycle it is really bad