lol

wonder who even reads this nowadays 

idk how the 17 pageviews from 27 oct came about HAHAHA who even managed to find this?????????

shall do an update soon but im in biz law class now on a saturday morning sob sob! 

hiatus

i feel like my laptop is my life now LOL everyday i come home looking forward to use it HAHAHA. am immensely pleased with my new keyboard cover it's gradient blue!!!! :D 

anyway, it's been 2 weeks of official uni life and i think i'm adjusting fine. the first few weeks sucked because i really felt like an ultimate loner, since 99% of my friends aren't in ntu and even if they are they aren't in my course. and i have no roomie (which isn't exactly a bad thing) but it means i go home to four walls everyday. 

but then again, i hardly spend time awake in my room HAHA. most of the nights are spent out in brandon's room with the regular crew HAHA. honestly, it is a complete waste of time and i can't afford to do this anymore from next week onwards. need to start studying???? 

speaking of lessons, i'm a total lagger because i always come unprepared for class. i hope having a light laptop will motivate me to use it and be more prepared for class LOL. 

on a more serious note, i wrote out a 3 page long reflection on uni admissions a few weeks ago and i think God has really been faithful. although being here really isn't part of my ideal plan, i accept it and believe God has a reason for me to be here. from being in ntu to being in crescent hall, i think God has his reasons and i'm slowly beginning to see the brighter side of things. no point mulling over lost opportunities, i should just move on and work with what i have!! 

woes

everyday is a struggle nothing seems to be going right for uni or at least not what i expect it to be. i didn't get to study what i want to (which is partially my own fault), going to study in the uni i least want to be in, did not get the scholarship i wanted, can't even get into orientation camps, may not get to stay with my room mate?? the future ahead looks so bleak. 

God if this is where you want me to be then please show me what to do from here? it's really not easy and sometimes i just want to pull out of school and go overseas to do med. to study what i really want to study. but because of the prayer i prayed i shall trust You that where you've led me to is where you want me to be. i guess only in times like these am i able to truly say that i want Your plan for me not because your plan for me is good but because they are Your plans, and even if they are painful, i will accept it. 

You give and take away, my heart will choose to say blessed be Your name. 

///

on a lighter note, i think i may be dyeing my hair tomorrow? bought the dyes today and laura may be coming over to help me tmr! something to brighten up this season i guess. also, HIS LIFE musical is this week!!! if anyone even sees this and is interested, it's basically a musical by a 80-strong membered cast from the USA of broadway standard, and this time it's fully sponsored by my church!!!! it's gonna be amazing and i'm excited too :D if you don't want to reveal that you know my blog you can just say you found out from my insta LOL do come!!!!!!!!!! don't miss this opportunity and invite your friends!!!! since it's free and church paid already don't waste!!! ^___^  

driving :(

failed my driving test and was honestly q disappointed like zzzz sianz i rly wanted to pass on first try??? partially because I am gonna start uni soon and driving will be another burden esp when I'm gonna be living on pulau ntu. also that my pdl is expiring this Friday so it costs even more money + another trip down to renew it. but another part is also to be able to proudly say that I passed on my first try?? maybe there's a little pride involved in this thing but I just really, really wanted to pass. prayed that I would do well for God's glory but who am I kidding??? we always use this phrase so casually I wonder how many times we truly mean it when we say it. 

but anyway, no point being so hung up about it I will just move on!!!! I guess God is just trying to save me from an accident or smth HAHA. special thanks to kit who i bumped into otw out of cdc (he was driving inside the car HAHA) who met me at paya lebar and took train with me to bugis!!!!! u r a wonderful friend kitz im really thankful to be your friend 🙆 PLS pass your driving this wed don't end up a sad case like me HAHA. also bumped into buddy tung and Dexter there?? nice short catch up with both of them esp dexter LOL I can't even say this is a catch up because I think this is the most we have ever talked HAHA. 

so much regret right now!!! God pls help me out of this dumb situation I got myself into 

sigh

sometimes I still feel sad about the outcome?? life in two months time better be good 

better is one day in Your courts than thousands elsewhere

reading my blog now and it seems like such a sad place!!!!!!!!!!!!!! maybe because all my happy moments are on dayre but i can't post a lot of thoughts there because it's open to the world and people can so easily find me there LOL. but anyway, no!!! life has not been so sad. in fact it's been pretty happy, except for stupid work HAHA.

anyway, major thing in my life now is basically church, and being a leader AND youth in ignyte. i'm really glad i chose to accept the challenge and become a leader, because i've rly seen myself grow in many areas!!! within the first 2 months i grew a lot alr, because i felt myself kinda slipping into the shadows of church. there was nothing much to keep me there and i was ok being a regular church goer which i knew was kinda bad but this whole leader thing pulled me back!!! now that i have youths i am accountable to them. it makes me a lot more conscious of how i live life and keeps me in check. i can't lead out of a dry spirit so i am sort of forced to keep growing and receiving so i can give. another thing is an increase in boldness. spiritual boldness to pray out loud and with conviction, believing in prophesy in prayer and daring to speak it into people's lives, out of which i had gotten an affirmation from a fellow grad f and i was really glad it spoke to her! also warmed up to a lot of other people i never thought i'd even be friends with in ignyte. being in grads cell has also been a huge blessing. i didn't think our grads cell would work out because of the lack of guys and excessive number of girls, who appeared to be rather cliquey. i think the time we truly opened up was during calvin's party, where i talked to a lot more ppl than i usually do. and right now where we are, i'm really really thankful!!!!!!!!! grads are a bunch of rly nice people who are passionate about God, willing to dedicate time to God and his projects and i'm so encouraged by selfless people like gav, all the drama people and dancers who rly commit a huge lot of time to church. and also cheryl wong who works with me behind the scenes on decor. i can't believe we r spending so much time on such a minor thing but yes we choose to give our best. (also did my first ever small acting role for the pub vid but LOL that is secondary) just thinking about all these makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. it's such a privilege to be serving in God's house, to find like-minded people, to grow and watch people grow. i really thank God for this season of my life. i think is the most involved i can be in church for quite a while, because when school starts i'm not sure how i'm going to juggle my time.

going to church to paint again later and i'm so glad to have these people on board with me :-) i really enjoy doing the things of God. it's tiring and time consuming but immensely satisfying. i am so blessed to be chosen by God, to be picked out by leaders who believe in me and force me to grow by throwing me into the deep end even though i keep complaining and saying i can't do it, for friends who walk through this journey with me esp u ctjt. also, thank you God for being in my life, i really don't know where i'd be without you.