this hope will never fail

1. acknowledge that God is great, he is greater than all my problems 

2. acknowledge that God is sovereign, he is in control

3. acknowledge that his plans are better than mine, going his way is better than going my way

4. trust in God's perfect timing 

haven't got time to sit down and think rationally for quite a while and i have come to the conclusion that the reason why God is taking things away is because they are distracting me. i know that there are things stealing time or attention but i could never really pinpoint what. but i think i finally know what it is. 

it's difficult to let it go, but now that everything seems in favour of that i shall. need to stop trying to fill that void with people or things but fill it with God instead. 

"Christ is enough for me" - do i really mean this when i say this?????? don't think so, if i can long for so many other things. 

"but seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all other things shall be given to you as well."  

bad week great weekend

had a really bad week but a great ending to it :-) i think i just worry too much and overthink matters, when things really aren't that bad. don't know why i'm suddenly like that i really think it's just a phase. but it was a  great weekend!! founders' day with the class was a burden but we got to play millions of rounds of fun run and ended up studying in the council room with funny people! then went for a very nice but fattening dinner and dessert with some of my favourite people in the world crazy impromptu but happy :-) and i bought a headband HAHA. today was good too great service which really spoke to me. and a very retarded lunch with some of my favourite cell mates i'm so thankful for them!!!!! they really make sundays a lot more fun and i'm gonna miss them when we part ways next year :-( jap dinner again today i think i have a new found love for seared salmon it's so good omg. and did thermal physics + filed stuff i feel productive!!!!

also, happy birthday kit!!!!!!!! thanks for being one of my favourite 95'ers i'm really thankful for you :-) 

Sigh

I really don't know if it's just me or people are one by one getting annoyed at me or bored of me I think I no longer mean as much to the people I keep so close to my heart and it really really hurts. I don't wanna be a clingy friend but at this juncture I kind of want to just cling on to them to make sure they don't leave. But then again there's no point forcing it so 

hot times

just finished writing one portion of my rd stuff i can't believe that took an hour oh my. also today we were talking about our future and what we wanted to study and i realised i know what i want to study but i don't want to do jobs related to what i wanna study. feel happy for friends who know exactly what they wanna do and have a strong conviction for it :-) and for me i guess my goal shall just be to study hard and not let my family fall back into the poverty cycle.

yay!

always very happy to hear that people are open to Christ!!!!! they are so close to experiencing something so magical i am so excited for them i really hope they come to know God and find all the love, strength, comfort and grounding they ever needed :-)

post Sunday blues

Had a pretty eventful weekend!!!!!!!! Friday was spent celebrating enqi's birthday I will upload photos soon but anyway it was the happiest I've been in a very very long time!!!!!!! Also it was the most effort I've put into a birthday in a while. Rushed off after school to the florist to buy the bunches of flowers and went back to school to make them!!!!!! They weren't as difficult to make as I thought they would be but it was still tiring anyway. Rushed to meet huishi at botanics first while Ilene bought food and we hung the carnival flags and set up the picnic mats and basket and all and Ilene came and we went to fetch Enqi!!!!!!!!! So glad that we managed to make her happy hehehehe despite the long wait for  us at the bus stop. Eternally grateful to tarpoop for accompanying Enqi for an hour when he actually had to go home :((((((( sorry :((((((((( 

But anyway we took pretty photos and ate nice food and just chilled and talked under the shady trees :-) so nice to all be together again esp since I haven't seen huishi in a million years hehehe glad that we are still close!!!!!!! And also very thankful to her for Ilene and Enqi :-) then we went to habitat for a very early supper where we downed two tins of truffle fries and many many fruit sodas HAHA we just kept ordering it was so good. 

'Twas a wonderful day spent with wonderful company I'd been looking forward to Friday for about two weeks already I'm so thankful it was a success!!!!!! Really missed sn birthdays they are so much sweeter and well-thought than jc birthdays. I think in jc school just sucks the hell out of everyone the effort level for everything just drops including birthday celebrations. 

Met Evan for lunch yesterday!!!! Everyone else was late so Evan and I went first HAHA wanted to bring them to park but it was too crowded so we settled for craft. Note to all please do not eat craft's poached eggs they aren't even properly poached I think my eggs were more cooked than runny >_> but the truffle fries were not bad!!!!!! Anyway when everyone came things were back to normal again like sec4 where we laughed at each other esp crystal and our fake best friends omg I have missed everyone :'( I really really miss sn I actually looked forward to school!!!!! The workload was manageable and the friends were awesome life was good :-( 

(This is totally random but I think the difference in environment actually has something to do with the school values sn's values are truth justice freedom and love and I think the love part is very evident in the school the teachers love the students and the students love each other and the school the school is such a warm place and the Jie mei men thing is actually quite nice now that I think about it. It brings a whole family feeling to school and makes it way more welcoming) 

Anyway we went for some durian party organised by the neighbourhood rc at the park yesterday and I ate a whole lot of mangosteens because there was an u limited supply of them. And I think I just found a new favourite fruit HAHAHAHAHAH. The coupons only entitled us to a durian each so we had to ration LOL. But in the end they had excess so we took 2 extra and brought them for our family dinner!!!!!!! Time spent with family is always good love meeting the cousins :-) it's sad that we meet up less now that everyone's busy but I'll always rmb the times when we would play and sleepover every holiday :-) 

Today was good too service was different from usual for me I wasn't indifferent but I could really feel God's presence in the service hall. Good sermon at LCE too yay good godly day!! Hope this is the start of a revival was talking to Daryl about spiritual growth graphs and realised that for most people we end up being like a logarithm graph steep increase initially then it kinda just plateaus and I think I've plateaued for too long it's time to get up and going. 

School tomorrow and I'm going to try as much as possible to go with a positive mindset!!!! Really feel like dying and dreading everything but the joy of The Lord is my strength!!!!!! 

Asdfghjkl

feels like the world is getting annoyed with me/bored of me or maybe it's just me 

liushabread

yuck i didn't know it was so difficult to write self-evaluation/peer-evaluation/personal statements i'm dying trying to write one and thinking about the many others waiting for me. i think i'm gonna die during uni apps i have severe problems with self-praise like legit kind not the play play type oh my goodness.

anyway i think my fitness level is at an all time low now was intending to run 5k just now but got quite tired after 2k so i just stopped at 3k???? felt so undetermined and unfit :( 

but anyway today after piano i was craving liushabread so i went all the way to amk just to buy it hehehe i'm so happy the shop opened at amk!!!!!!!!!!! that means it's more accessible and i can buy it more often heheheh as compared to yishun. it's so good and so cheap love it when the liusha oozes out hehehe bought 7 buns for the entire family yay good family girl :))))))))))) 

anyway, today i am thankful for all my friends who talked to me and made my day :)))))))))) it seemed really sucky at first but by the afternoon it was much better thank you!!!! 

anyway here's an old picture of the liusha bread HAHA. i know this post is entirely rubbish but i just really don't wanna do the self evaluation thing. though i know i'm gonna regret this on saturday night. k bye ignore me 

now the sun's shining bright and it just won't set

had a pretty hapz weekend!!! surprised charles at her drama concert on friday night hehe i think she was really very happy to see us and i'm glad we made her night :) good day yesterday met zijian (i was early) and ate nice food took okay photos which could have been better but still good time :-) then dgood for dinner HAHA parents were being such noobs omg cannot take it and daily scoop for dessert omg fat day much. anyway daily now has thai chai which is like the thai milk tea from creamier and it is very good????????? maybe new favourite daily flavour HAHA. met altos for lunch today at sushi tei and i was like save money mode on so i only took 2 plates of sushi from the conveyor belt. bear in mind we weren't even sitting at the conveyor belt we were in some circle thing with weird spaghetti-like strings around us. but anyway the 2 plates of sushi turned out to be $6.90 each so in total plus the stuff we shared i spent 25 bucks what a fail. spent >$100 in 2 days this is extremely bad i am so broke i don't even know. oh and on the way home i even bought a pair of shorts which i don't like anymore. impulse buy again. kill me now. 

this is totally irrelevant but when i came home, i spotted like 5-6 sunflowers in a vase with other flowers like roses and something else it was so pretty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! since i was really bored i started to take photos of the sunflowers with the flowers around the house, and after a while i ended up taking photos with the flowers LOL. it really brightened up my day sunflowers are so nice and cheery!!!!! look look look 

anyway productive wise this weekend was really bad. zero work done + zero exercise done. was supposed to go running today but as usual, pig me fell asleep and woke up only in time for dinner. thighs are exploding already!!!!!! tried on my jeans this morning and i had so much difficulty getting into them i just changed out into a dress. no restricted movement. :(((((( 

the purpose of turning on the com today was so that i could organise my econs stuff, but i ended up doing everything else instead of that. oh well. now to decide if i should sleep first and wake up for world cup later or just pull an all-nighter. 

love languages

today i realised how much i treasure one-to-one time. caught up with an old friend over dinner and i'm glad we are still close!! despite not seeing each other much for about a year hahaha. i remember how we used to meet up every other week for dinner in j1. had kfc freaking fats after a run though, shouldn't have at all :( 

also i realised i am still a very words person i need constant affirmation as and when and i think i get very insecure about relationships without affirmation. like i know we are close and all but sometimes i just need to be reminded that like i am still treasured and important to them. this sucks why am i so emotionally reliant on people??????????? hate how my life revolves around people..........  

and sometimes i don't know if people feel like i treasure them enough because maybe we express our love differently like some people need to be constantly kept in contact with or they will feel forgotten while others can go a year without talking and still feel like nothing's changed and i don't really know who's which kind until things happen? and the differences in love languages is a big burden sometimes i feel like i am expressing my gratitude to them but they don't feel it and i don't even know. eeeeeeeeeep. :( 

i think i am ill but idk if i really am because it only happens in the morning and then i take panadol and then i am fine but it is a recurring thing and i don't know if i'm really ill because maybe the panadol is just suppressing it or maybe it's just a new morning condition i really don't know ok bye 

good week

bumped into jerm today at the mrt today and had a short but enlightening talk with her. gave me a new perspective and i really feel much better about everything now :-))))) thank you for today though it was just two hours it was quality time spent :-) 

still doesn't feel like cts are over the liberation mood hasn't sunk in. honestly i hope it never does, so that i can keep my drive and be motivated longer. as i was bathing i was thinking about post cts and actually post cts just means pre prelims. was even thinking about doing work tonight hahahahah i think i'm going mad i have never thought like this before but hey i think it ain't that bad. if i can keep this motivation all the way till the end of As i think i will fare pretty okay............. 

today was a really happy day spent time with people i really like and had short convos at random corners of the school with other people i really like too :-) (i think the nose smiley grows on you it gets cuter the more you look at it??) and the chem paper was doable i guess. thank God for his favour these few days every night i feel lousy before sleeping because i know i am unsure of my concepts and stuff but it always turns out fine when i commit everything to him!!! 

spam of birthdays this and next week i think there are a total of........... eleven??? oh my goodness hahahaha we are all growing old. and while everyone grows older i grow fatter and more unfit. signed up for a 10k run with plum i must have been mad lol i really hope this makes me exercise more so that i can eat more fatty food and feel less guilty!!!!!!!!!!1