gongxifacai

mandatory cny post hehe. 

i quite like visiting actually. it's pretty fun!! esp since you only see those people like once a year or something. sometimes i wish i had a bigger immediate family so that we can visit more people and have a livelier cny. realised today that our immediate family is small while our extended family is HUGEEEEEE. and we don't really visit the extended family so in conclusion my cny is kinda boring. 

but from the one unplanned visit today i did learn a bit. so this 62 year old granduncle of mine fell from a 25 storey uncompleted bridge 13 years ago and broke a whole lot of bones. there were spikes at the bottom, but thanks to God's grace he landed between the spikes. imagine if he landed on a spike omg the impact would have been sooooo bad he'd prob have been skewered or something. but yes he's fine now and is doing well in life + looks extremely youthful like younger than my dad. inspirational. 

anyway today during dinner, i learnt that we cannot judge an orange by its peel. HAHA. there were 2 oranges left and one of them was nice and smooth while the other was wrinkled scarred and ugly. so i decided to be nice and sacrifice and give daddy the pretty one. in the end when we ate the orange mine was sweet while the pretty one turned out sour. but anyway through this extremely lame and random illustration God told me that sometimes when life calls for us to make sacrifices and we actually make them, it may turn out to be a blessing in disguise. God does take care of those who do good. also, don't judge merely by what you see - people and situations. people may seem weird but can actually be very nice friendly and normal on the inside (oh by the way ytd i was at nex with charles and suddenly this random guy and girl approached us and made friends with us because they were doing some campaign thing. but anyway, initially i was apprehensive about talking to the guy because he really looked weird. but after talking to him i realised he's perfectly normal and friendly so yeah) . ok this whole paragraph sounds preachy and lame and primary school moral ed lesson but it's really what i learnt so i thought i'd write it down HAHA.

positive thoughts

Gonna attempt a no-negativity day tomorrow!!!! People have told me that I always complain. I didn't realise that I always complain but anyway now that people have noticed and told me about it, I shall make a conscious effort to complain less and think about happy stuff instead! Everyone goes through rubbish everyday, but those who focus more on the happy things and overlook the bad stuff come out happier with life. The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they make the best out of everything. So I shall make the best of tomorrow and see tomorrow in a good light! No complaints tomorrow!! If it's very hot I shall cherish the warmth that I wouldn't have if I were studying overseas instead of focusing on the sweat and all. You get what I mean. So yup!!! Tomorrow's gonna be a happy day because I choose to make it one :) 

impressions

(sorry for the double post but i am really in a very pensive mood tonight and need to write all these thoughts somewhere or else i will forget about it)

 we all have impressions of people, formed based on what we see/hear about them. but how accurate are these impressions? after all, like the word says, they are only impressions. sometimes i feel like people judge too much based on impressions. just because a person appears to behave a certain way doesn't mean the person is only like that. the person could have other sides that you don't see, sides that perhaps make you like the person more or less. 

i don't think it's fair to judge a person based on what you hear about a person. personally i try not to judge a person until i interact personally with the person. not saying i don't judge. as of now, i do and first impressions count for a lot of people i meet. it's okay to have an impression, we just shouldn't let that impression decide the way we are going to treat a person. we may be apprehensive about talking to the person but we should always give the person a chance to prove us wrong. sometimes what we hear or see is really unpleasant and puts us off but i guess everyone deserves a chance to prove themselves? we shouldn't be condemned based on our past/appearance/hearsay but who we really are now and what we will be like in future. also we need to dig deeper into people. sometimes on the surface level people can appear to be this kind of person. but upon going deeper and knowing the person's thoughts, you may find that it's a totally different person altogether. 

so yes from now on i shall try to know people deeper. i have so many surface friends it's fun playing and joking with them but we aren't proper friends at all. guess it's time to know them for who they really are on the inside, and not just their joker side. 

growing up too quickly

if there's one thing i learnt in jc, it is to be careful of what i say and who i trust. it seems like no one really bothers about secrets and keeping them, even when the 'secret teller' already made it very clear that you aren't supposed to tell it. yet sometimes people act like the secret is their own and tell it to people who don't even need to know. sometimes i think they don't even want to know. but it is just told anyway. not that anyone has let out any big secret of mine yet, or at least not that i know of. but looking at how things spread so quickly, i think it's gonna be very difficult for me to trust people now. at least with things of certain importance. 

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it's quite scary to think of how time passes. in 10 months my A levels would be over, and it would be the last time i'd see most people in school. the guys will go off for ns and many girls will be flying overseas to some atas u, so poof the whole world is gone. even people in singapore i won't see as often anymore, or maybe never at all. last week someone, i cannot remember who, was saying that once we are out of jc things are gonna be very different. we won't get to see 90% of the people we see on a regular basis now. it's the last time we are going to be in a sheltered environment, especially if you don't go to a local u. out of school, you're pretty much on your own. plus by then we'd be 18 and won't even need to sign consent forms anymore. hahaha that means i cannot use my parents as an excuse for stuff anymore, because i am expected to make my own decisions. 

honestly speaking i am extremely unprepared for the world. as much as i go out a lot and spend little time at home i am very, very dependent on my parents and if i were to go overseas to study i'd be at a total loss. especially in the working world, where people are scheming and work is tough. in 5 years i'd be working and fending for myself. that thought alone is scary. 

but anyway what i wanted to talk about is the people i won't ever see again, unless circumstances bring us together again, which i highly doubt. there are many many nice people in rj whom i do not know very well, but find very nice and pleasant. it's sad how once i leave school i'm never gonna see these people again, because we aren't close enough to bother to meet up. even if i did it'd be weird because we don't even know each other that well and time should be spent for our other closer friends. i can think of a few off hand, people who i think are really nice and would make great good friends but have no intention or interest in getting closer to them. also, it will be weird if i suddenly try to become better friends with them for no reason whatsoever. on my part i don't even have time to maintain a lot of my current friendships, let alone create new ones. i really hope i'd cross paths with these people again later in life, because they are really nice. 

i'm gonna miss seeing familiar faces everywhere i go. in school, no matter how judgemental and superficial rj is, there's still a sense of school warmth and belonging felt. in my neighbourhood everything looks nice and comforting, and again, familiar since i've been seeing the same area for 14 years of my life. outside, everything is alien. uni will be the first time i don't live near my school, and have to wake up early to travel far away for lessons. i won't have a uniform anymore, so there won't be that 'hey that person's from my school!' when i see people wearing the same thing as me. instead, wearing the same outfit as someone else will be my greatest nightmare. and i still have no idea how unis work and what you do in there. 

okay so after all that i have concluded that i am just not ready for the future. i hope j2 life passes really slowly so that i have time to mature and mentally prepare myself for the uncertainties ahead. not like i even know what i want to do in future. time, please take your time while i fix stuff like my english and my wardrobe before i enter the big, bad world.  

wade in the water

finally a picture post though some photos are raw

oh did i forget to mention i cut my hair ok random nvm ignore me 

whoosh it's been a very hapz week this week hehe. so much that on some days i have too many nice photos to post and don't know which one to choose for my #100happydays !!! here's a recap of the week and the (unhealthy food i ate) just so that i can remember hehe. 

monday : ok thankfully nothing much since i ate at home

tuesday : jaithai with house d after gm 

wednesday : met pop and charles at nex after chorale for texas and sogurt omg sinful max + second dinner because i forgot to tell to not cook for me

thursday : lola's for lunch/dinner with rose ryan mus vig!!! a lot a lot of fat food but it was good so i don't rly care. had my lemon meringue tart again hehehe. maybe next time i shall try other kinds of tarts. came back for the hp thingy and it was not bad. a lot of intellectual jokes which i didn't understand, but it's fine. the last part was kinda funny and appropriate for non intellectual people like me. met tze after that for a short while :) and it's a week till he enlists. so fast :O 

friday : worst day HAHA met enqi for habitat!!! then went back to school for chorale photoshoot, then rushed off for crystal's birthday (which i will talk more about soon)

saturday : war meeting which lasted for like 1h as usual then went for war lunch at longhouse!! and then to salted which i didn't eat!! not eating ice cream at an ice cream shop!! achievement unlocked!!! then met eye for a catch up yay :> 

today : church + liushabread from eye + FINALLY GOT MY GREEN INSTAX IT IS SO PRETTY OMG I DIED

yes after like a million years of pestering the guy, i finally got my green instax!!! it's actually just the yellow instax painted over with green paint, i realised. but who cares, it's really pretty!!! just that i have to take extreme care of it and make sure no one anyhow puts it on the floor/whatever. i think i may get an instax casing soon HAHA. just to make sure it stays safe!!! anyway i have a feeling i may regret getting the green because it's double the price and may get scratched and the ugly yellow will be seen. ahhhhh really gotta take good care of it. if you're reading this and will be handling my instax in future, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE BE CAREFUL WITH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

anyway, friday was crystal's birthday!!!! friendies and i decided to get her an animal balloon each so that she'd have a farm!!! and coincidentally her school friends got her some animal balloons too!! hehe. great minds think alike. so i got her a penguin on the way back from habitat with enqi and kept it until after chorale! hehe. and we tricked her again that i wasn't gonna be there and she believed HAHA. then we faked that we were gonna eat her most dreaded pancakes and she believed again. such a noob. but i like her the noob way she is :D HAHA then we surprised her with her new farm and went to fat boys for dinner!!!! then udders for ice cream and i saw quite a lot of people at thomson HAHA. didn't know thomson was so hapz on friday nights. so we ate ice cream and stayed till midnight to spend the last few moments of her birthday with her :) hehe i love my friendies and i love celebrating their birthdays with them. really touched that crystal chose to spend her birthday with us i mean it's like the actual day but she chose us above like idk which random friend. very grateful for my friendies they bring me a lot of joy when i see them. we met for 5mins and were already laughing non stop!!! felt like we went back to the old days in sn. and omg it's been more than a year since we left sn and we don't meet that often but i'm glad that when we meet it's like nothing's changed!! and i really like that. no stress that you'll distance even if you don't meet regularly. it's like we are all very secure in this friendship and know that we've got each other's backs!! :) can't wait for our next meet up hehehe. 

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anyway today i had lunch with kit charles and bim and we were talking about school and i realised that i have come a long way in raffles. last year this time i was extremely apprehensive about going to a new school and not having any close friends coming with me, since most of my close friends were either going to other schools/3 pointers so very risky. i was actually intending to lead a very low profile and boring school life and just get by jc quickly. but things are so different now. so many things going on, how to consider life boring???? haha oh well but anyway, point is that life passes too quickly. in the blink of an eye we are suddenly experiencing different things, going through different life phases. though i think i am kind of as relaxed now as i was last year this time, which is totally not a good thing. but yes next year this time i'd be in my post As holidays, shopping and hopefully working/interning somewhere. hopefully i'd have an idea of what i wanna do in the future. well actually there is something i think i may end up doing but idk i shall save that for another time. yes time passes too quickly, and within 6-9 days 3 of my close friends are enlisting and i shall really really really miss them. gonna treasure every moment i have with them now, be it through whatsapp/imessage or in real life. :'( things aren't gonna be the same :( this time it's different from the jeremiah time because they are going into SAF unlike that noob who is in the slack police force. oh well!!!!!!!!! hope they come on sundays sometimes. or come to school :( 

actually wanted to talk about more stuff but my eyes are tired so goodnight! 

small world

doing this #100happydays thing on insta!!! i hope that after this whole thing, i'll be able to look back and remember how blessed i am :) 

today i was just randomly clicking around twitter and i found out that my childhood friend is going to be my schoolmate soon, or actually already is. time flies, i can still remember how young we were and talking about psle and all. now she's coming to jc and is rather high profile because of some reason already. i wonder if she remembers me though.............. hope she does hehe i always love reuniting with old friends hehe it's nostalgic!!! 

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don't know what this is / never thought i'd feel this way / i wonder if you feel the same / doubt it anyway

you can take a girl out of ij but you can't take ij out of a girl

alright pardon me if i'm a little incoherent now i am so sleepy but i just needed to articulate these thoughts before i fall asleep and forget all of them again. 

so yes, O's results are today and i being very blessed got sent back to sn to promote raffles. not that it needs a lot of promoting because it's a school that would come to mind if you get perfect L1R5 or somewhere close enough. hahaha as if i don't understand how they'd feel. anyway it was quite shocking because despite doing well as a batch they didn't seem to have done that well individually. but it's okay, still proud of all the O level takers because at least they've made it past this milestone in their life!!! sad that they won't be my juniors next year. actually i think there will be extremely few sn girls in rj next year. sigh pie. :(  

but anyway the visit to sn today was so heartwarming. i know i say this many many times but sn is really home. i love sn it's like the moment i step into school (yes i still call sn 'school') i feel the warm family feel already. it's like nothing's changed, although a whole year has passed since i received my O level results and was officially out of sn. i can still clearly remember all that we used to do, the places we'd frequent, the food we'd eat everyday. looking at the sn smallies makes me think about myself. they're just like our mini mes!!! just a little smaller. the sn culture hasn't really changed, and i'm glad it didn't. it still carries the same feel of sisterly love and it's basically extremely homely. you don't have to care about what you say, even to teachers. got to see all my old teachers who are still in sn today and talked to jacq lee and sharon law. it was quite funny and nice because i didn't really have to watch what i was saying, and just said whatever came to mind. i miss this kind of casual teacher-student relationship. there's a bond and you feel like the teachers genuinely are interested in your life and teach you because they really want you to do well, not just because it's their job. now it's like i hardly even know any teacher. i think i can recognise only about..... 10 teachers in rj. and we used to kinda know the existence of every single teacher in sn. nowadays i have to think carefully when i talk to teachers to make sure that what i say isn't used against me, or doesn't give the teacher a bad impression of me. it's so cordial i hate it. everything is so formal and political it's so irritating. 

maybe it's just that we were too sheltered in sn, so now when we are out we really feel the effects of it. now that we are 'out in the big bad world', i realise why i love sn so much. sn is a family, where from the top to the bottom everyone kind of cares. they may not care about you personally but in general, they do care about the well-being of the school and students and genuinely want the best for the students. they're not that results driven and factor in stuff like students' needs and preferences and all. despite that we still do well academically. even the canteen uncles and aunties recognise you and some even call you by name. it makes you feel like you have a place, like you belong. even when you leave there's still some kind of attachment to the place. not like now when once your batch is gone from the college, you have nothing much left to hold on to. in the big bad world you need to care about your image, how people view you, how things you say may be used against you and stuff like that. it's so political and dangerous you need to be on your guard at all times. the people you can trust are few, too. walls have ears, you never know who is friends with who. it's tiring sometimes. 

oh well, i guess i'm more physically tired than mentally tired at the moment. haven't been doing enough work (or even doing work at all) to consider myself mentally tired. gotta buck up soon because As are in 9 months or so. that's very very short, considering As are like 10 times worse than Os plus i have a sucky work foundation now contrary to popular belief. will update with pictures next time when i'm freer. which will be like months later or something ahhaha bye!!! 

oh and come for Raffles Open House, 15 Jan from 930am-330pm!! see you there!

too fast too fast

(only found time to blog because i decided i am too tired for any work tonight)

it's barely been a week since school started yet it feels like a whole month has passed already. the pace of life is really quick now, every day is packed to the brim and there hasn't been a day when i got to come home early and rest, apart from tuesday because piano lesson was at home. 

honestly, i'm rather pleased with my current progress because i haven't been wasting time that much, though i kinda did today. but other than that i've been trying my best to spend my small pockets of time productively, like reading my vectors notes before dinner on tuesday. and i attempted a bit of my tutorial, though that motivation kinda died down already. but at least there was a start! most important of all, i haven't slept in a single lecture this year yet. and i finally found out how tiring and draining it is to pay attention in every lecture. after monday's full focus on lectures and tutorials, i reached home late after choir and just crashed omg. it's physically and mentally tiring, but i'll get through it. all i'm worried about now is that i'll burn out because i am freaking not used to this. just hope it becomes a habit and i'll be a bit more consistent in my work. 

anyway new initiative : i shall make use of my typo planner's (irritating) time lines to write down my whole life. not in detail, but i'll write exactly where i went and what i did at that time. this is so that at the end of the year, i can look back at the planner and see how i've spent my life. hopefully through that i'll remember a whole year's worth of happenings. sounds good hehehe. also started the today i am thankful thing and i guess it's going well!! :) finally getting the discipline to use planners and stuff like that. hate that my handwriting is so bad i spoil the whole planner just by writing on it. meh :< 

open house is in less than a week and honestly we seem rather slack about it, for a function coming up soon. glad that we got good stuff like sogurt, moleskin notebooks and all. hope mr bean confirms their attendance too!!! can't believe my function is about to end. feels like it just flew by. and soon department is also gonna end. how in the world did time pass so quickly omg. need to grab hold of chances to do things and make the most out of my little time left. 

ok eyes are closing i'm glad i got to do this very short update. like i said, blogging helps me keep track of my life. similar purpose to the typo planner thing but typing is so much faster so, yup. heh. bye bye

more than you think

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sometimes i really cannot take it when people think i don't care about them when i really do. or that i don't treasure them enough as a friend just because i don't talk to them as much nowadays. idk, maybe they feel like i'm not making enough effort to keep in contact and be extremely updated about each others' lives. but how about looking at it this way, i don't need to talk to you everyday because i am secure in our friendship and know that even if we don't talk everyday we can still remain close? there isn't a stress to constantly keep up but when i know you've still got my back and can turn to you when i am down. and when we meet it's like nothing's changed. 

it's not like i don't want to keep meeting/talking. there are so many things bombarding me idek how i can finish my work how am i supposed to meet every single good friend i have. plus nowadays i like to meet one-on-one so it's even harder to keep up with everyone. throw in 2 extremely hardcore cca and church and family commitments, i can just die now. 

ahhh God give me strength to survive pl0x