if there's one thing i learnt in jc, it is to be careful of what i say and who i trust. it seems like no one really bothers about secrets and keeping them, even when the 'secret teller' already made it very clear that you aren't supposed to tell it. yet sometimes people act like the secret is their own and tell it to people who don't even need to know. sometimes i think they don't even want to know. but it is just told anyway. not that anyone has let out any big secret of mine yet, or at least not that i know of. but looking at how things spread so quickly, i think it's gonna be very difficult for me to trust people now. at least with things of certain importance.
///
it's quite scary to think of how time passes. in 10 months my A levels would be over, and it would be the last time i'd see most people in school. the guys will go off for ns and many girls will be flying overseas to some atas u, so poof the whole world is gone. even people in singapore i won't see as often anymore, or maybe never at all. last week someone, i cannot remember who, was saying that once we are out of jc things are gonna be very different. we won't get to see 90% of the people we see on a regular basis now. it's the last time we are going to be in a sheltered environment, especially if you don't go to a local u. out of school, you're pretty much on your own. plus by then we'd be 18 and won't even need to sign consent forms anymore. hahaha that means i cannot use my parents as an excuse for stuff anymore, because i am expected to make my own decisions.
honestly speaking i am extremely unprepared for the world. as much as i go out a lot and spend little time at home i am very, very dependent on my parents and if i were to go overseas to study i'd be at a total loss. especially in the working world, where people are scheming and work is tough. in 5 years i'd be working and fending for myself. that thought alone is scary.
but anyway what i wanted to talk about is the people i won't ever see again, unless circumstances bring us together again, which i highly doubt. there are many many nice people in rj whom i do not know very well, but find very nice and pleasant. it's sad how once i leave school i'm never gonna see these people again, because we aren't close enough to bother to meet up. even if i did it'd be weird because we don't even know each other that well and time should be spent for our other closer friends. i can think of a few off hand, people who i think are really nice and would make great good friends but have no intention or interest in getting closer to them. also, it will be weird if i suddenly try to become better friends with them for no reason whatsoever. on my part i don't even have time to maintain a lot of my current friendships, let alone create new ones. i really hope i'd cross paths with these people again later in life, because they are really nice.
i'm gonna miss seeing familiar faces everywhere i go. in school, no matter how judgemental and superficial rj is, there's still a sense of school warmth and belonging felt. in my neighbourhood everything looks nice and comforting, and again, familiar since i've been seeing the same area for 14 years of my life. outside, everything is alien. uni will be the first time i don't live near my school, and have to wake up early to travel far away for lessons. i won't have a uniform anymore, so there won't be that 'hey that person's from my school!' when i see people wearing the same thing as me. instead, wearing the same outfit as someone else will be my greatest nightmare. and i still have no idea how unis work and what you do in there.
okay so after all that i have concluded that i am just not ready for the future. i hope j2 life passes really slowly so that i have time to mature and mentally prepare myself for the uncertainties ahead. not like i even know what i want to do in future. time, please take your time while i fix stuff like my english and my wardrobe before i enter the big, bad world.
No comments:
Post a Comment