thank You

just now in the shower, i was thinking about drinking and getting drunk, and the whole alcoholism thing as whole. why people drink and stuff. then i realised that if i wasn't a christian i'd probably be drinking right now. in fact, if i wasn't a christian i'd probably be doing many many other things in life, which i held back when i was younger because i knew they were against my beliefs. 

but this got me thinking on what my life would be without God. like seriously, what would my life be right now if i wasn't born into a christian family? if i didn't start having a relationship with God in p6? idk i think i'd be really screwed up right now. 2013 wasn't exactly a great christian year for me, in fact it's been one of the dryest i've been spiritually. it's true, jc sucks up so much of your time, and rj traps you in that bubble thing that you get so uninvolved in other things like church and stuff. this year was the year i was the most inactive in church. i did go for cell and service regularly and continued serving as a ch core but spiritually i wasn't really engaged. there was always this blockage from me and God. when i worshipped it's like the veil couldn't really be lifted and i'd always be stuck at a certain point, never going deeper beyond that point. sian max. 

but i am really really thankful that in the last 3 weeks of 2013 i finally experienced my yearly spiritual high, and i'm believing this is gonna be my breakthrough. now, it's very different. guess the 10 days in japan rly made a big diff!!! one thing i learnt from the japan trip is that tuning out from the world, like social media and stuff, really helps you hear from God and sort out your thoughts much better. because you can't really do anything else you end up thinking about life and catching what God has to say to you. so yes our phones are a huge distraction and i shall work on using less of it, especially when i'm travelling. 

2014 is in 2 days and i am so unprepared. today during cell we wrote down one thing we want for 2014, and i wrote that i don't wanna compromise on God. next year's gonna be really busy throughout. council, chorale and rubbish in the first half and mugging in the second half. God shall be the priority throughout. i shan't compromise on spending time with him, going to church not just for service but for other things like L cell when it starts and stuff like that. 

anyway recently a lot of people have received christ/on the brink of receiving christ/started coming to church and stuff like that and i'm really really happy!!! today ilene kind of confirmed during cell that she IS a christian yay!! i am so excited to see what God is going to do in their lives as they start to know God better and experience his greatness for themselves!!! omg, idk why but i am really really excited for all these people to grow in God. amazing things God does in new christians. hehehehe. so glad they are saved and this makes me want to introduce Jesus to even more people. hehehe. guess this is the joy of salvation :> sometimes i really wonder how people can live without God i think if i had to do that i'd just die. God is my source of strength when i am weak, my assurance when i am uncertain, my direction when i am lost, my hope when i am hopeless, my friend when i am lonely, my joy when i am sad, my courage when i am afraid. how am i to survive without him?!?!? i think i'd just crumble and die. 

thanks for being there for me God, for being my only constant. people may fail me but you never did and never will. you helped me believe in myself, showed me that i am capable of things i always thought i'd never do, that i am in not inferior to others out there. you gave me the courage to try for things i wanted and i knew you wanted for me but i'd otherwise be too shy to try for, and gave me a taste of sweet victory when things went as planned. you helped me thrive in places i never thought i'd belong in, kept me going when i wanted to quit, found me a way out when i seemed to hit a dead end. thank you for seeing me through this year, for still entrusting me with your people even when i did such a bad job this year. i will do better next year and serve you wholeheartedly, like how you have loved me wholeheartedly, share your love with people around me, so that through me they may know that there is someone who loves them and genuinely cares for them, and that you are not a scary God but a really kind, funny and approachable God :)