stress

i finally know what it feels like to be stressed by academics. before i had any sense of urgency i kept praying for myself to get some stress but now that it's here i don't think i want to live the next three months trapped in this vortex of a struggle any more. i never really understood how people could be so stressed out by work or have such defeated attitudes towards their studies, because however bad i thought i was, i was actually doing fine. it's the first time i am putting in so much effort into my studies and not seeing the results show. i can put in hours and hours of effort and not understand or remember a single thing a day later. feels like all my efforts are futile. 

but then again there are miracle cases and i'd like to believe i can be one of them. just because i haven't got it all figured out doesn't mean i never will, some day i may even look back and wonder why i was ever worried. all things are possible, and God will help me as long as i put in my best. it's not gonna be easy, but i'm going to work hard anyway